Today on the blog, I'm sharing some of my all time FAVORITE products that will give you a fresh glow whether you're headed out for a date with your Valentine or a night out with friends. First up, my newest obsession: everything and anything Charlotte Tilbury! My two Charlotte Tilbury favorites are the Wonder Glow Primer and the Hollywood Contour Wands. When I was in New York for The Great Love Debate show, I used Priv to find a great makeup artist. I have a ton of experience with makeup from my game days as an NFL cheerleader, but since I was invited to be on the panel to speak for the event, I decided to treat myself. Priv sent me the greatest artist who sparked my obsession with Charlotte Tilbury's products. If you have normal to dry skin, this primer (in the picture above) will change your life- you're welcome!
Next up, the highlight and contour wands- hands down, the easiest tools to give you that celebrity glow! I love these products because you can use them on the go and they still make you look like you've been sitting in a makeup chair for an hour.
If the Charlotte Tilbury products aren't enough for you, another brightening product I love, especially for the under eye, is the Nars Soft Matte Complete Concealer (in the first photo). I use the shade Vanilla. It's not too light, but still seems to make my dark circles disappear. This can be applied with your finger- which is reason to buy the product alone. There's nothing worse than spending an hour of your Sunday washing your makeup brushes, so any product that doesn't require a brush has my approval!
Also featured in the main photo above is my ride or die Mac blush in the shade Melba. If you are a Jaclyn Hill fan like me, you know why Melba is worthy of the praise it has gotten over the years. It's the perfect shade of pink for those of us who hate too much pink when it comes to cosmetics. This blush almost has a nude hue to it, with just enough of a pop to give you a warm glow without looking like you took a Crayola crayon to your face.
To finish your Valentine's Day look you need a lipstick. While I am an avid Mac snob when it comes to lipstick, I have to branch out and give credit where credit is due... The Kylie Jenner Lip Kit. I know, I hate to say it, but the girl has created a hell of a product. While it can be a tad on the dry side, you can combat that with a gloss over the top. When it comes to Valentine's Day, you need a product with longevity- and this stuff doesn't move. I can say with total confidence that this product will stay on all night. I like a nude lip, so I always reach for the shade Exposed. If you want to go for a red lip to vamp it up, try pairing it with a more neutral eye to get a more sultry look. I say go for full glam!
Happy Valentine's Day, Dimes!
By Michele Russo
In today’s world, dating is far less “fluffy” than ever before. Social media, 10-second attention spans and the illusion of endless options have us swiping left on apps like Tinder and Bumble faster than ever. No matter how cruel it may seem, for many of us this is the new normal in terms of the dating process.
When entering unchartered territories as a newly single person, it’s important to prepare yourself for some of the bumps you will face along the way. After years of experiencing the epidemic of dating woes first hand, I’ve gathered some general advice to dating that seems to apply to everyone. If you are frustrated in your love life, consider the following truths in an effort to date smarter.
Actions will always speak louder than words. This will never change. No matter how busy, someone who is truly interested will make every effort to make their feelings known. When someone is really into you, they will find a way to text you, call you and court you, at all costs and against all odds.
Have you ever thought someone you liked was just playing hard to get? Well, maybe that is the case, but more often than not, if you have to question whether a person is interested, chances are they are not interested. We spend way too much time searching for hidden meanings when the answer to our question is right in front of our faces. Taking days to reply to a text, being too busy to meet up and never making the effort to plan a real date are all signs of where you stand. As much as we all hate to admit it, the signs are everywhere. It’s up to us whether we choose to see them or not.
When someone shows you who they are, it is important to take off your rose-colored glasses and see them — really see them. There are few things more annoying than being ignored. If you’re an over-thinker, being ghosted can cause the floodgates of self-doubt to swing open making the most confident person question their every move. Tame your impulsive desire to text him/her obsessively; nothing good will come of it. Rather than foolishly chasing something you never really had, accept the reality and move on. Unfortunately, this is just a part of dating. Some people are the types who need to know why things ended, but with ghosting at an all-time high, we need to accept that we may never have the answer to what went wrong. We just have to move on. Besides, do you really want to have to convince someone to date you? You will save yourself a lot of unnecessary heartache if you learn to read between the lines early on.
I have two close friends, both in admirably healthy marriages, who have told me on numerous occasions (typically following a heartbreak) that the early stages of dating should be the easiest part. If you find yourself making excuses for bad behavior by your significant other, imagine how much worse that would be five years down the road, when real issues in life are thrown your way.
No matter their age or level of dating experience, most men and women struggle with relationships because they make the mistake of looking for love and validation from others, instead of finding it first within themselves. When you attach your value to another person's perception of you, you give away your power and become dependent. The outcome or condition of a relationship should never leaving us questioning our self-worth. Being loved is all we are searching for at the end of the day, but the process of finding love can often cause us to lose confidence with ourselves.
No one is exempt from feeling self-doubt when faced with rejection; it just comes with the territory. Having a good relationship with yourself first will always be the foundation needed to create a healthy relationship with someone else. If you are confident in who you are, you will be able to shake off any missed connections and move forward.
Date for the right reasons — do not date to fill a void; that will only end in disaster. Reaching for a temporary solution to mask what you are feeling on the inside will only cause you more trouble in the long run. When you focus on being your best self first, anyone you meet along the way will be a bonus, so stop looking for someone to “fix” you. Fix your own damn self.
The incessant need for instant gratification makes finding a relationship of substance seem impossible. Living in such a technologically advanced time is great, but can also cause a false sense of reality when it comes to real time. It seems as if society is so much more impatient now that we have the world at our fingertips. In some ways, this can be both a blessing and a curse.
The Internet can find you a date almost instantly, but it’s up to you to take it from there. Finding eternal bliss will never be as easy as booking a Southwest flight. We forget that even the healthiest of relationships require real work. Say it with me, people: “Real love requires real work.”
Social media is partly to blame for this mentality. People like to show off and tend to show only the good stuff. We’re all guilty of it. This makes the false reality even worse: We forget what it takes to get what we want.
Let’s say you see a friend post about their first day at work for a prominent law firm. What that person isn’t showing is the mountain of student loan debt it took to get to that position or the countless hours they spent studying for the bar. Posting a picture of your shining moment is great and well-deserved, but don’t let a picture fool you. Real rewards will require real work.
It’s important not to base your life around the idealistic perception of what should be — what your life should look like, whom you should be dating, etc. Living your life by the shoulds is the fastest way to feel unsatisfied. If something is worth having, it is worth working for. We forget the fact that all relationships — even the best relationships — will experience lows.Rather than jumping right back into less-than-loving arms of Tinder, consider giving that guy or girl a second chance and working through your issues.
Human beings crave companionship, not necessarily commitment. Like it or not, there is a rising number of people on dating sites "window shopping" with no real intent of entering into a relationship. Some people think they can have all the benefits of a relationship without making the effort of a commitment, so you have to be prepared to experience both types of people — the commitment-phobes and those willing to commit — in your quest for love.
You cannot allow your world to end whenever you face rejection. Fear of failure will only cause you to fail more, so learn not to personalize it. If you can’t build a thicker skin, you have no business entering into the dating world, especially the online dating world. If you allow it, these dating sites will drive you insane. Instead, know in advance that some people are in it for all the right reasons; it just make a little more time to find those people. Don’t lose hope.
Take It Down A Notch, #Girlboss
(As featured in Thought Catalog)
In today’s world, we are overwhelmed with the pressure to achieve. Facebook pages are flooded with crowing moments of achievement used as a personal badge of worthiness. The pressure to be great is, in fact, much greater than it has ever been in the past. It seems we idolize the girl who can do it all. It is the #girlboss who has become admirable because she is a woman building an empire or killing it in a male-driven business world.
I’ve always identified with Miss Independent, the girl who could do it all. While I’ve always striven to challenge myself, I actually fell into being self-reliant by default over the years.
Coming from a family-owned business, I was strong because I had to be. I learned to do everything myself in the best way I knew how rather than risk of jeopardizing a business my parents worked their whole lives to build. Solving a problem before it was a problem became a way of life for me, and I found myself constantly saying, “If I want it done right, I’ll do it myself.”
The better I became at my work, the better I felt.
When things in my personal life let me down, I’d find comfort in knowing that them business world was always a place that I could find my redemption. If I got in a fight with my boyfriend, at least I could throw myself into my work and directly see my effort pay off as I logged into my online banking account. As strange as it sounds, the business world was safe to me. It never let me down as much as my relationships had.
Because of this, I slowly used my success as a crutch any time my personal life had a bump in the road. “Screw them, I’ll show them.”
Yes, it was true: The best revenge was my own success. I proved that I really could do it all myself, but being Superwoman doesn’t necessarily make you a strong woman. It was a mask I was hiding behind. I was confusing my success with strength. I realized that being able to support myself on my own was great, but that we’re not meant to do everything ourselves. We all need support in our lives.
The problem with this girlboss mentality is knowing when to turn it off. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in being successful that we forget to be human. We are instantly shut down in the business world if we show any signs of vulnerability, so we learn to be assertive. In turn, we end up closing off a portion of the vulnerable side of ourselves that is necessary in our personal relationships.
Sometimes you know, those who seemingly have the world in the palms of their hands, are actually struggling more than you could realize.
There seems to be some sort of misconception making us think that the more independent we are, the less chance we will have of getting hurt or making poor choices in a relationship.
While independence is something everyone needs to have, it is not something that needs to overpower your life. We all need someone to lean on, be it a friendship that has its ups and downs, a partner who has hurt us, or a family member whom we have low-key resented since birth. None of these relationships are perfect; far from it, they are messy.
Somewhere within the mess, though, lies the beauty of it all. Have you ever stepped back from a screwed-up situation and realized how perfect it is in its own way? The mess is perfect, and it’s perfect because it’s real, it’s authentic. The screaming kids, the messy kitchen; the daily chaos, all of it is perfection whether we realize it or not. The root of it is love. Your business can never give you that.
Your career will never love you back, only people can. Be sure to leave room for them.
What I’m saying here, girlboss, is to learn to let love in. In your quest for everything great, never forget to save a seat for love in your life. The problem with being an overly independent womani
is that you leave no place for a man. If a man feels that he has no place in your life, he will most definitely pull back effort to avoid the risk of being hurt. This leads to the girlboss building resentment toward the relationship because she feels alone, but unfortunately more often than not, we might be lying in the bed we made ourselves.
I recently asked one of my guy friends about his thoughts on trying to pursue an overly independent girl. I was expecting him to say the biggest negative aspect for men was feeling like they had to compete with a woman’s success, or something about girls jumping on the feminism train, but his answer was nothing of the sort. “Guys just want to feel needed. There’s no better feeling than that.”
My mind was blown. His opinion really struck a cord in me. For years, I had convinced myself that men were just intimidated by independent women, and in some cases, that could still be true. But his opinion was true as well.
What if the problem that Superwoman faces is not that she is intimidating to men, but rather that she simply doesn’t need a man, or anyone else, for that matter? Men have a deep-rooted need to care for women, and when the feeling of being needed is gone, problems arise. It turns out that this has nothing to do with gender roles. It just comes down to feeling valued within a relationship. After all, everyone needs a place at the table.
Just because you are capable of doing everything yourself doesn’t mean you will find happiness in doing everything yourself. We have to learn to accept help sometimes.
You will not lose all your girlboss qualities by allowing someone to care for you, so strive to find that balance in your relationships. Keep the “boss bitch” at work where she belongs, do not invite her into your personal life. Drop the incessant need to always be right, to always having the perfect rebuttal at the mere sign of a disagreement.
I think a lot of girlbosses use their independence as a defense mechanism, as if constantly being on guard will protect us in some way from feeling vulnerable.
But trust me, this is real life we’re talking about. There is no way to run from feeling silly or vulnerable.
We have to check our pride at the door when it comes to relationships, and just be real. Now, I’m not saying to throw away your independence. Far from it. Just try not to be a callused, ball-busting superwoman when you don’t have to be, because to some degree, it’s a front. It’s just a form of protection we think is necessary. If you step back and look at the best relationships you can bring to mind, I’ll bet the reason they work is not because one person is a super-hero constantly taking the lead.
The best relationships come when couples operate as a team. Teammates respect each other and realize they work better together. Each team member has a valued spot. Both are there to help, not hinder, the other person.
Yes, my advice to you in a world telling you to be tough? Be soft (at least sometimes).
No First Dates on Friday
When I first entered the single girl world, I had a lot of learning to do. Times had most definitely changed during my ten years spent in long term relationships. One of the funniest things I noticed was the timing of dates. I had always pegged Fridays and Saturdays as date nights, mostly because you typically would have more time to spend with the other person on a weekend when you don't have to worry about getting up early the next morning for work. Well, when you are testing the waters with a new date, the last thing you want to do is clear your schedule- because you just never know how the night could pan out.
"Oh no, always plan a date for a Tuesday, you can't risk wasting a perfectly good Friday night on a first date" my friend told me. My initial reaction to hearing her theory was not a good one, I honestly thought it was ridiculous. Always the skeptic, I took my chances and agreed to a first date on a Friday night with a guy I had met through mutual friends. If you have mutual friends, chances are they can't be too much of a troll, right? The logical minded person would say yes, but in the world of modern dating, the logical minded person would most likely die of exhaustion.
Once again, I was wrong- the date ended up being the song that never ended. First dinner, then drinks, then a broadway show that was in town, followed by more drinks and awkward conversation. If I would have enjoyed his company it would have been a great date, but sometimes you just don't click with people. I could easily have a conversation with a brick wall, but you can only hear someone brag about how great they are for so long. My date loved himself more than Kanye loves Kanye. How is that even possible?
As I sat on the date welcoming death, I remembered all of my friends were on a party bus downtown. Ugh, instant FOMO. Everyone else was out having fun and I was stuck on a date with my worst nightmare- a self obsessed dude with a spray tan. Neat.
I have since realized that there is no greater gift than meeting for a glass of wine for a first date. Dating was weird before we had social media and dating sites making the entire process more complicated. Keep it breezy people, stick to Tuesday nights.
The Art of the Break-up
Welcome to the age of the unanswered text! These days, it's far more common to be ghosted than to actually have a respectable break-up. What does that mean for most of us? Confusion, wine and tears.
Yes, the old saying still rings true: "Breaking up is hard to do."
Whether it happens in person, over phone or by text, the bottom line is someone is going to get hurt. Unless you are a real asshole, you don't actually want the other person to feel pain, so you may find yourself developing a plan to let them down as easily as possible. Now apply that idea to 2017: The age of hiding behind our computer/phone screens to avoid our fear of letting someone down. Of course, it’s easier to type it out rather than express your feelings face-to-face. At least if we break up by text, we don't have to watch the person's face drop when we break the news that we're about to make like a bad check and bounce out of the relationship. Disaster avoided, right?
Well, I hate to break it to you, but the letdown is still there and cannot be avoided.
Now, I've had my fair share of break-ups throughout the years. Some I've handled respectably, and some I handled like Britney Spears circa 2006 when she dumped K-Fed via text. Pretty shitty. I never got over how I handled my break-up over text. To this day, I still beat myself up for running away scared like a child.
At the time, I saw no other way to handle the situation. Deep down, I knew I made the right decision by ending things, but on the surface, I could very easily have been persuaded into staying in a relationship I knew wasn't right. I knew if I saw the hurt in his eyes, I would want to make it better, and I would put my true feelings on the back burner at the risk of disappointing someone I cared about.
If there is one thing our generation needs to learn, it is this: You cannot run from feelings. They will hunt you down and find you. And when you do take a chance on someone who doesn't pan out, you have to end the relationship in a respectable fashion – not just for them, but for yourself. Ghosting a person after more than one date will only leave you feeling like a coward, and that's because you are acting like a coward.
The act of ghosting is only setting you up for the occasional 2 a.m. text from that person, trying to get some sort of idea of what went wrong. If you can pull yourself together long enough to end things face to face, you will actually have a better chance of a clean break. Meaning, the other person will know exactly where they stand without question. Really, that's all anyone wants at the end of the day.
If you find yourself questioning a future with the person you are dating, you should be honest about that as soon as the feeling occurs. You deserve to be happy and the person you are seeing deserves honesty. I'm not saying the other person will always take such abrupt news well initially, but eventually he or she should be able to look back and say, "Yeah, that sucked, but at least they were honest and upfront with me."
No one likes to feel vulnerable, which is exactly why we all take off running as soon as we start to catch "the feels." It's the potential of facing rejection that really freaks us out. So, if you are going to make someone face their fear of rejection, be a dime and handle it well. Be honest and direct. If there is no chance of a reconciliation, say so. You will do the other person a favor by eliminating the "what if" scenarios.
I know that times are changing faster than Taylor Swift can reinvent herself, but I feel like no matter what changes in the world, respect should stay the same. Pay it forward. Always be fair – you never know when the tables will turn. You may find yourself getting dumped and I can bet you would much rather have a mature explanation than a string of text messages.
What the Occasional Text Means to Her
I'm sure by now we have all realized how easy it is to send a message without ever saying a word. It is true that not saying anything can say it all. But what message is being sent by having little to no conversation?
I've experienced the occasional text more often than usual lately, which sparked some questions on the matter. Allow me to put this into context for you, let's say you have met someone and exchanged phone numbers, maybe even had a few dates. Every meeting you have had has went well and you find yourself making plans to meet again, but ironically that never seems to happen. Weeks, if not months go by. If that person then sends you the occasional "hey, what are you up to?" text out of the blue, you might find yourself questioning where you stand. Should I cross you off the list and move on or are you actually pursuing me? It's a valid question.
I guess I figured when you hit adulthood the childhood tit-for-tat games all come to an end, but in reality they were just getting started. And it's exhausting! So when it comes to the occasional once a month text, I have to ask- do you seriously think I would be willing to meet up with you?! You see, when someone drops communication with you altogether, it sends the message loud and clear. It sucks, but at least you know exactly where you stand. However, the casual text blurs unnecessary lines. We end up in some kind of weird text limbo.
The message this sends to girls- and I can only give the point of view from my perspective here- is that we don't matter or perhaps you are on the fence about us. No girl wants to invest her time with someone that is only half interested! In my case, the guy I was seeing would get upset if I didn't show up after being sent a casual text on a random Friday night to meet up with his friends. Tough shit! I'm not dropping my plans with friends to run to your beckoned call.
This type of behavior will almost always place you in the filler category, meaning you're just there on the sidelines until something better comes along. After all, no successful relationship starts with one person being strung along. You're doomed from the start if you don't respect the person enough to make your intentions clear. And if you don't no what your intentions are yet, just be consistent. At least that way the girl will know you are interested.
FOMO: "Fear of Missing Out"
Has anyone ever heard this phrase before? If you have, it has most likely been related to missing out on weekend plans with friends while you're stuck at some family gathering with you third cousin, twice removed. "Fomo" is a real thing, but have you ever considered how it applies to the dating world?
Rather than point fingers in this post, I'm going to be honest when I say I am guilty of letting fear get in my way. I have prematurely passed up opportunities with guys in an effort to prevent myself from getting stuck in the wrong relationship and as a result, miss out on "the one."
I can't say I'm doing it all wrong, though. It's true, you don't know unless you try. You have to be willing to put yourself out there, but what if the fear of missing out is the one thing that actually stops us from settling for anything less than what we deserve? From what I have witnessed in my dating journey, labels can be downright terrifying. Some may argue that this is the reason the modern day dating world centers around minimal emotional attachment. Once you label your situation you immediately take on a responsibility to someone other than yourself. For me, the label has never been my cause of fear. What scares me the most is the thought of being stuck in a relationship that just isn't right and missing out on the type of person that makes my heart beat out of my chest. My fear is missing out on something great because I was just "passing the time" with someone. I mean, shit, if I don't know what I'm looking for how am I supposed to know what it feels like when I find it?
So, while some may say not committing to any one person, or having "fomo" is just a cop out, I have to say I disagree to a certain extent. Clearly, there are people out there that are using the art of non-commitment as a crutch, but some of us aren't dodging the responsibility, we are simply waiting on the relationship that lives up to our standards. Could it be proven then, that this generation is not just a large bunch of lazy daters, but rather less willing to try to settle for anything less than fireworks kind of love? It seems like as we get older, our checklist gets longer and longer. We all want someone with a good career, a certain level of attractiveness, family values, etc. When someone doesn't meet your standards it always seems to be a disappointment, no matter how small. For most of us, we believe in love. But, can we identify love? That's where the struggle lies. It seems that the ultimate goal here is trying to get out of our heads and into our hearts.
Fear is something that can hold you back on so many accounts. However, mindlessly jumping into new relationships can be just as harmful when you consider the amount of messy break-ups you could potentially face. It seems then, our only option is to find a happy medium. As comedian Katt Williams once said, "You got to get real in tune with yo motha fu%$in' star player!" In simpler terms, tune in and act from a place of mindfulness in whichever direction you choose. Take a chance when it feels worthwhile, but don't try to just pass the time.
The Unspoken Rules of Modern-Day Dating
If you don't know by now, times have definitely changed in terms of the dating world. If you are a member of the millennial age group and just so happen to be single, welcome to the tennis match that is about to be your dating life. For lack of better words, dating in this age can be described as a game. Hell, sometimes its a game I wasn't even aware I was playing. If you are still in denial in thinking these rules don't apply to you, I suggest you read on. I can almost guarantee any single person between the ages of 18 and 30 can relate to the following unspoken rules at least once.
1. Social media activity means something more than what it actually means. A "like" on an Instagram or Facebook post will more often than not relay some sort of interest in the person posting. For example, let's say a guy has been consistently liking the pictures you post on your Instagram page. Millennials interpret that like as a serious sign of that person showing interest in you. I mean, let's be honest, if a guy throws a like at your post, he's probably not liking the picture because you have some fluffy caption that captivates his soul. No- quite the opposite: He just wants to make himself relevant. Now, if you get a notification that someone has liked a picture from several weeks ago, that shows major interest and can actually be described as "cyber stalking" if it goes too far. It is a sure sign that rather than just scrolling through his news feed and casually stumbling on your post, he has made the choice to visit your profile page.
"OMG he liked a picture on my Instagram from three months ago!" is something I've heard many of my friends say. If the aged liker happens to be someone you are interested in, the person is obviously showing interest back. Insert "jump split" here! There is nothing more rewarding than that. However, on the flip side, if the aged like is from someone that repulses you, he will immediately be labeled a creep.
2. You can't be caught dead sending the first text. This is a rule that took me a moment to grasp. To a rational person, if both parties are interested enough to exchange numbers, it would seem like the next logical step to progression would be texting that person to talk. Or, dare I say it, make plans for a date. This is millennials we're talking about people- everything is written in code that the average mindful person will never be able to understand. So, if you are a woman and you send the first text, or even God forbid double-text, you will be labeled as desperate or aggressive. The goal is to appear to be interested, but not too interested. Available, but also super-busy. It's exhausting.
3. Do not, and I repeat, do not try to define the relationship. This is the generation of distance. Rather than define, we will dance around the idea of making anything official. If you try to label the relationship, chances are the guy will head for the hills because relationships with definitions hold people accountable. When you are held accountable, suddenly any of your questionable side behavior is labeled as cheating. You see, while you are in a relationship it is highly frowned upon to like other girls' pictures on social media, send snap chats to members of the opposite sex, and ditch your girl all weekend to spend time with the boys. As long as that relationship has no real definition, you can pretty much do as you please. It's no surprise that guys freak out the second you question where the relationship is going. It's almost like having house rules when you come back from college during the holidays to stay with your parents. When you are used to living your life your own way with no regard for a partner, there is no rush to signing up for the obligations that a defined relationship can impose.
4. Never question the intent of cheating. The lines are blurred these days with all of the underlying meanings out there. A guy you are seeing tags another girl in a meme, likes a picture or carries on a back and forth brigade of Snapchat selfies. It's not actually cheating, although we all know it isn't exactly innocent either. Millennials want you to be the cool girl who is disconnected, so you can't actually be mad about something like that, right? Wrong. We all just have to pretend that we aren't mad when really it's clear that the guy you are seeing is keeping his options open right in front of you. Your relationship or "situationship" will be kept at arm's length, but you know what else is kept at arm's length? Another girl that he's been showing interest to on all forms of social media. It's as if everyone has something on the back burner these days!
5. Expect to be ghosted, but don't cross them off the list. Just because you haven't heard from a person in two weeks doesn't mean you've been given permission to move on to someone new. Like I said, dating millennials is all about deflecting from definition. The newest trend in dating is "ghosting"- when someone you have been dating seemingly disappears into thin air, dropping all forms of communication. No texts, no calls, or as my southern mother would say, "Didn't even give you a bye, kiss my ass or nothing." It is the literal version of having the rug pulled from underneath you. I've had this happen to me, but the ghosting wasn't necessarily the worst part.
For me, the real stinger is when that person resurfaces weeks later with a casual text, asking what I'm up to for the weekend. As if nothing is out of the ordinary! It's just enough communication to make you silently suffer internally, wondering if this means you still have a shot with this relationship, when in fact it is just a sign that you are obviously not a priority. The problem is that you are left questioning where you stand with that person, which in turn limits you from moving on to someone else whole-heartedly.
As if dating isn't hard enough, we now have to figure out how to close the chapters of the book ourselves. If answers are what you are seeking, disappointment and unclarity is what you will most likely find. You see, while the mature daters out there would have the courage to tell you where you stand in a relationship, the millennial daters will keep you in limbo, never truly giving you an out. By keeping their options open, they never have to feel as though they failed in the dating world, because they are never left alone.
A few days ago, a male co-worker of mine, Kris, approached me with a question that later sparked a conversation with my friends and I. "How many drinks are too many when you are on a date?" I instinctively replied with "two". His rebuttal set me back in my seat. Kris said that as a guy you are always aware of your stopping points. The last thing a guy in that situation wants to do is feel like he's forcing a girl to sit on a date when she isn't interested. So, if the waiter comes over and asks if you'd like another round, if the girl says "no, I'm fine", the message she sends to her date is that she isn't interested in staying out and continuing to hang out longer.
Mind blown! I had honestly never thought about what message I would be sending to my date. In my eyes, only having two drinks was respecting my date and the potential of ever getting a second date. Who wants to risk saying or doing something stupid? I mean, I have been known to let my jokes go a tad too far after a few too many dirty martinis. This thought process brought me a new way of thinking. Have I been unknowingly pushing opportunity away?
Growing up I always remembered my Grandpa talking about his time as a singer. He played at many bars in downtown Nashville and he said that during that time he learned one important thing- there is nothing more unattractive than a drunk woman. Obviously when you are the musical entertainment for the night you get a birds eye view while on stage. My Grandpa would notice some of the most drop dead gorgeous women walk in to the bar that night, but by the time he was finishing his set, the women would be so drunk and sloppy that he would never consider approaching them.
So what is the happy medium on a date? If you enjoy your date's company do you cut it short after two drinks or keep the night going? Before having the conversation with my co-worker I would 100% say keep it to a two drink maximum. After hearing his interpretation of the message that sends, I have to admit I may rethink my answer.
It appears that we are constantly sending a message with our actions whether we are aware of it or not. So, what do you think? How many drinks are acceptable on a first date?
Social Media or Social Suicide?
Hi Dimes! Has anybody else made a face like this when cyber stalking a potential date? I know I have. In fact, I've had this come up quite a few times this year, especially back when the election was taking place. I literally had to take a break from Facebook, it was unbearable!
While the picture above is meant to make you laugh, my point is no laughing matter. Some things are just better left unsaid or perhaps left better said to a medical professional. Kidding!... kind of. I know I'm not the only one out there that has agreed to a date, but after some online social media stalking, quickly reconsidered and cancelled.
There is nothing attractive about a guy or girl pouring their heart out on their Facebook wall. No one really cares to hear you bitch and complain about your job or the terrible service you had during your recent visit to Outback Steak House. In all honesty, it makes you look petty.
When considering your social media presence, less is definitely more. Whether we like it or not, social media is self advertising at its best. We are exuding an image and shaping the way others see us. While social media can be a valuable tool for staying in touch with others, it can also knock you right out of the dating game. Not to mention, it can ruin your chances with potential employers as well. That's right people, if you want to be taken seriously you might want to rethink that gym selfie, stop checking into the gym on Facebook when you get there, and stop posting inspirational memes relating to how you were mistreated during a breakup. I don't know where the whole "know your worth" phrase came from but I'm pretty sure it does not mean posting a selfie and making yourself your own "MCM" (Man Crush Monday).
And for the girls, don't get me started on the #iwokeuplikethis post. Of course you woke up like that, bitch. You have botox, lash extensions, lip injections and a weave in your hair. I'm not knocking it, but let's be clear, if we were lost at sea for five months with no salon we would all be waking up looking like dog shit. You aren't some rare gift from God that miraculously wakes up ready to walk the runway for Tom Ford. Just be real. I have no shame and no desire to hide the fact that I wake up looking like a little troll that just crawled out from under a bridge. At least I'm honest.
Do yourself a favor and leave the people wanting more when it comes to social media. Use it sparingly, like salt. A little salt on your meal can enhance the flavors of the dish. If you dump too much salt on your dinner suddenly its enough to make you gag. Thats exactly how social media works. A little bit goes a long way!
Michele is a former St. Louis Rams Cheerleader living in St. Louis. Follow Michele from the sidelines of the NFL to the sidelines of the modern dating world.