Level Up For The Generations To Come
By: Michele Russo of The Dime Series
Have you ever been able to identify a limiting belief within someone else? Or maybe you’re able to spot the limiting belief within yourself if you’re really emotionally intelligent. For me, it’s easier to notice these patterns in others. For instance, I have a friend that has struggled in the dating world over and over again, always attracting the same types of emotionally unavailable men. Ever been there? In this situation, I’m always the outsider looking in and it’s easy for me to identify her hold up to finding a relationship that works. By her fourth failed attempt at love, I realized she was unknowingly projecting her Mom’s issues with men into her own life. Old negative patterns don’t always have to be something that you gathered along the way in your own journey. Sometimes, we can find ourselves harboring the feelings and patterns of our parents. Maybe some of the patterns go back even further and stem from our grandparents, who knows.
The fact is, it’s completely possible for your parent’s “stuff” to hinder your current reality. Maybe you come from a divorced family and you’ve only seen bad relationships play out through your childhood. Or maybe your parents stayed together, but it was a one income household and your mother did as she was told out of financial obligation. If any of the above scenarios are true for you, can you notice any bits of your past bleeding into your current reality? Believe me, I say this without judgement, its incredibly common. My intent is to open your eyes to a change that may need to be made. Sometimes these patterns are hard to spot unless take a minute to observe our situations.
The best part about seeing these patterns play out through the generations is stepping back to identify the person that put a stop to the madness. There’s almost always a turning point in every family line. After years of struggle and hardship, somebody finally stands up to draw the line in the sand. For me, I come from a great example of what a relationship should be, but that’s really only because my Mom drew the line in the sand for generations to come in her own life. Coming from divorced parents and a Mother that never worked outside of being a housewife, she grew up in a very different environment than the life she lives today. My Grandmother had a whole slew of issues when it came to men and the possibility of ever having a career outside of their home. Although she would never admit it, I think my Mom saw how her Mother lived in a fear based mentality and decided that wouldn’t be how she was going to live her life. The strong lesson here is that shit rolls downhill until someone stops it. I grew up in a family business, watching my Mother run one of our retail stores like a boss. She was a warrior on all fronts, so in turn I live my life in the same way I watched her live her own. I also witnessed my parents have a healthy relationship. If my Mother hadn’t decided to end the pattern of divorce and co-dependance in our family line, I wonder how differently that would have shaped who I am today.
Now, before you go sending me hate mail, I’m not shaming divorce. I’m shaming the idea that you can’t break free from a seemingly negative destiny and start fresh. I think its more important to set a healthy example of what a loving relationship looks like for your kids and if you’re not, maybe it’s time to take a deeper look into what’s going on in your life. Some relationships do come with an expiration date and I in no way have a right to judge that. The point is that somewhere through the generations, someone steps up and stops a negative pattern and in turn changes the course for generations to come. It doesn’t even have to be with a relationship, maybe it’s a financial change, or a change for education. Maybe you were the first person in your family to break the cycle and strive for a college education, in turn bettering yourself, your family and showing the importance of education to generations to come. Somewhere along the line, someone stands up and says “enough!” and just like a bad spell, the pattern is broken.
No matter where you are in your life, you hold the power to break a negative pattern for generations to come by unleveling your current reality. Only you can stop the madness. Maybe today is the day you push past your commitment issues and learn to take a chance at trusting someone with your whole heart. Maybe today’s the day that you make a commitment to your health and fitness to show those around you that a healthy life is possible despite what the scale says. Maybe today’s the day you follow the dream in your heart of becoming a writer and showing your family that any goal is attainable if you put your whole heart into it.
For me, my Mom broke through the relationship issues in our family so that I wouldn’t have to live through those same struggles. She did this unknowingly of course, but it’s important here to realize that your choices effect far more than just yourself. I repeat- your choices, no matter how big or small, matter. The world is always watching- your friends, your family, your peers. You have a much greater impact on the people around you than you could ever imagine. In my case, I set out with a dream of being a writer, even though I had no formal training. Just a few weeks ago my eleven year old cousin (pictured above) told me she started writing her first book. “I had no idea you were interested in writing?” I said. A smile from ear to ear formed as she told me her hopes of being the next author in the family. Her words sat me back in my chair and proved to me the power of breaking past a barrier. It only takes one progressive movement forward to pave the way for generations to come. You never know who’s watching and what sort of influence you may unknowingly be creating on their life. The choices you make matter.
It’s time to change the narrative. When you think of the ripple effect you can create, it gives an even bigger meaning behind cleaning up your life in all areas. Strive for the education you desire, demand a relationship that makes you feel valued, and reach for the dream that you’ve been trying to forget- there’s a reason for that little nagging voice inside that pushes you. When you make these changes and up level your life, you’ll create a new standard for generations to come. The way you live your life each day is far more important than you could ever realize. Make it count.
Michele is a former St. Louis Rams Cheerleader living in St. Louis. Follow Michele from the sidelines of the NFL to the sidelines of the modern dating world.