Yes, you read the title of this article correctly. Being successful in love goes hand-in-hand with finding success in your career. Seems off-putting at first glance, huh? It’s a concept that took me years to fully understand. Within the past year or so, I’ve found myself in a relationship beyond my wildest expectations and landed a new position that is far above what I thought possible for myself in a new industry. Neither of the two opportunities fell from the sky, I had to first get in tune with my true self.
Who am I? It’s a question we all find ourselves asking at one point or another. To find true love, you must be able to answer that question genuinely. Truth be told, a lot of knowing who you are comes from knowing who you are not. Knowing what you don’t want most often comes from experiences that we like to call failures, but the truth is that we can choose to see these setbacks as opportunities to learn what it is that we don’t want out of life. So, if you find you’re “failing” time and time again in either dating or your career, please realize that as long as you learn a lesson that guides you in a better direction, it’s still a win.
Life is full of lessons, whether we admit it or not. Oftentimes, those lessons follow us wherever we go until we finally pass the test. For me, connection has been an issue in my life for years. I’ve come a long way with it this year, but I still have some room for improvement. I realized that the only way out was in. Yes, you read that right — the only way out of your current struggle is to go within. What I mean is that you have to take the time to sit with yourself and ask, “What is it that’s causing this discord in my life?” Well, for me, the process of self-correcting made me realize that the very grit it would take to find connection in my work life was also mirrored in my dating life. Finding a relationship that felt like home meant I had some real work to do. Here are the lessons I learned:
1. You have to be authentic to connect with people.
The only way to truly connect is to be your true self — that same self that you may have been hiding for years. Hiding who you are can only protect you for so long. Soon enough your authentic self will have your gut screaming to just be.Dating is about connection. In today’s world, men and women are pros at sniffing out a phony. So do yourself a favor and lean in to your true self. The goal is to align with the type of person that matches what you need, but if you’re not honest about who you are, you can only blame yourself when things go south.
You might not even realize that you’re playing to the other person. So many people, myself included, are chronic people pleasers. People pleasers have trouble deciphering what they want out of life and relationships because they always have the other person in mind. It’s time to worry about yourself for once. It’s time to be you. Being authentic no matter the cost is the very thing that will lead you to the love of your life and take you to that next level in your career. How much further would you be if you could truly connect with your coworkers or your customers? Take a look at the most magnetic people that you know — what does that look like?
At the root of it all, the most magnetic and well-respected people have mastered the art of connection. They wear their personality like a badge of honor because they recognize that it’s the very thing that sets them apart from the rest. Be that person. Be the you that you are meant to be and make no apologies about who you are.
2. Speak honestly, even if that means letting someone down.You have to learn to be truthful, no matter what reaction you may get. Ghosting would be eliminated if people found a way to just be honest about how they feel. You may have the best intentions by ghosting someone to spare their feelings, but if you were on the receiving end, wouldn’t you want to know why something didn’t work out?
It may not be the greatest news to hear, but there is real power in knowing exactly where you stand. It allows you to close one door and move to the next thing with all of your energy. No one wants to be stuck wondering if they still have a chance. Give people the courtesy of knowing exactly where they stand with you. Business is no different. There’s nothing worse than someone that over-promises and under-delivers.
Speaking honestly from the start is the most beneficial approach to being respected in the workplace and in the dating world. It may not be easy, it may not always be comfortable, but it will save you from internal warfare in the end.
3. Learn to work through it. Whether it be friendships, romantic relationships or work relationships, the fact is that you can’t go run and hide when things get rocky. Well, you could, but chances are the same type of issue will resurface again and again until you have learned the lesson once and for all.
I’ve always been one to run and hide. I thought that if I could just start over, I would press the reset button and never have to face the things that made me feel uncomfortable. What I learned is that life will test you until you can pass that test successfully, so you may as well buckle down and face what’s in front of you.
Have you ever heard the saying, “Wherever you go, there you are?” All that phrase means is that you cannot outrun your problems, because they will follow you wherever you go. Show up, sit with the obstacle at hand, and don’t allow it to take your power. You have what it takes to face your demons once and for all. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems, and the sooner you learn to work through what you’re facing, the better.
What kind of manager would you be if you always ran from conflict? Are you doing anyone a favor by avoiding the tough conversations you know must be had? What about in your relationships — will you ever have a meaningful relationship if you ignore the obvious issues at hand? Successful marriages are not made by both parties burying their heads in the sand.
Respect and communication are necessary for building the trust it takes for a lasting relationship. That means you can expect your fair share of uncomfortable conversations and situations. If you are searching for something long-term, whether it be a relationship or a career, you must learn to work through your obstacles. The alternative is being stuck on a treadmill going nowhere.
The bottom line with everything is to accept the challenges at hand and learn to adapt to them. Life is messy for all of us. Social media, movies and television all paint a picture of a nicely paved road to success, but that’s all bullshit. It’s time to stop pretending like we aren’t all facing real problems in our day-to-day lives.
Real success means real work. It means checking your pride at the door and being vulnerable. It means failing and falling and looking foolish when things don’t go as planned. Without this, you will only be going through the motions. To live is to fall down, but none of that matters as long as you get back up and begin again.
Choose to live a life that may have moments of uncertainty, but has the guarantee that you are living your full potential.

Have you ever found yourself overwhelmed by dating exhaustion? I have, and I know I’m not alone here. I know what it’s like to think, “What’s wrong with me, what is it about me that seems to repel every person I try to date?” and, “Am I not good enough for this person?” These thoughts can not only drive you crazy, but can be the very reason you’re struggling to find love.
When a relationship doesn’t work out, what we really need to do is turn inward. Not with thoughts of what we did wrong, but with thoughts of what we can learn from this. Consider it your chance to check in and evaluate where you are in life. The first question you need to ask yourself is: Were you really being your authentic self, or were you playing to what you think the other person wanted to see? Were you being the nice girl that never made a fuss even when situations came about that were worthy of questioning? Were you altering any side of your personality to make yourself more appealing to the other person? I bet the answer is yes. And believe me, I know from experience that this approach to dating will cause exhaustion faster than ever.
The lesson that took me the longest to learn in life was embracing who I truly am at the core. Every flaw, every personality quirk, both good and bad, served a greater purpose and ultimately made me uniquely myself. Whether we realize it or not, at the root of it all, what people are really searching for is authentic connection. We’re all looking for that person that’s just as weird as we are! We’re looking for love that just clicks, but we’re never going to find it by altering ourselves to fit into someone else’s life. Changing any side of your personality in an effort to find love will always fail. It may not fail at first, but keep in mind that people aren’t stupid. People can tell when we’re not real or when we’re holding back in some sort of way. That sort of mystery and lack of connection is what costs so many of us in the dating world. Being calculated and “pitching” yourself to best fit the other person’s life will undoubtedly bring about a messy dynamic in your relationship and most likely cause it to end in disaster.
The best advice I could possibly give you when looking for a relationship is to stop trying to avoid the mess. You aren’t going to get into the modern dating world without hitting some bumps in the road. It’s messy, it’s awkward, it’s uncomfortable, but knowing what to expect is half the battle. I’ve always said that when it comes to dating, check your pride at the door. You will have to be vulnerable to find the relationship of your dreams, bar none. I didn’t find that relationship for myself until I overcame this, and to be honest, learning to be vulnerable will probably be something I struggle with to some degree for the rest of my life. You don’t have to be perfect at it, you just have to consistently make progress.
Recognize what it is in your life that’s holding you back—there’s a good chance this very thing has crossed over into your career as well without you realizing it. I’ve noticed there are many things that are mirrored in both business and relationships. A few of the biggest I see are confidence, vulnerability and finding connection. If you master connection in the dating world, imagine what kinds of changes that could make in a business setting. Wouldn’t you find benefit from connecting more with your co-workers or customers? I think so! So do the internal work that is necessary once and for all—you’ll forever reap the benefits. Be true to yourself and watch the doors open.
The funny thing is, once you know who you are, you stop caring about fitting into someone else’s life and you start being really picky about the type of people you allow into your world. That’s where the magic happens. It’s kinda like learning how to say no for the first time—it’s freeing! Love isn’t calculated, so do yourself a favor and spend your time and energy on becoming your best self, and more importantly, your true self. If you don’t know who you are, you will never know what you truly need from your partner. We all know what dating aimlessly looks like, but it’s time to get serious about what you need in life. What are your non-negotiables? Decide what qualities are an absolute must in a relationship and don’t settle until you get the relationship that best fits your needs.
Don’t waste time changing any side of your personality unless it’s a true character flaw that needs to be addressed. We’ve all got work to do, but that’s part of being human. We’re designed to grow and evolve! Don’t see internal work as a bad thing, but rather as a piece of the puzzle that’s necessary to become the person you are meant to be. When you focus on the outside world, you give away your power. Always go within to decide what you want, what needs work, and what it will take to live the life you deserve. We’re all worthy of love, but the ugly truth is that we’re not all ready for it just yet. And that’s okay!
If I were to be given my ideal relationship a few years ago, it would have failed simply because, despite what I thought, I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t yet figured out what I wanted out of life and in turn what I needed out of a partner. Looking back, that didn’t make me a failure or a person that was unworthy of love, it just meant I had more life to live first. I had more learning and growing to do before I would be ready to accept and appreciate a relationship like the one I have now. If I could go back to my younger self, I’d say, “Snap out of it!” It has nothing to do with self-worth and everything to do with timing. You will find what you want when it best fits your life—trust the process.
So wherever you are in the dating process, I hope you realize that you deserve a partner that loves you for who you are no matter what. And you will find that person when you stop playing games and start getting real. Tell the truth, be who you are and take the risk, even if it leads to rejection at first. Eventually the right fit will come along and everything will make sense.

Learn To Live As The Best Version Of You
By: Michele Russo of The Dime Series, As seen on Thought Catalog.

“I’m just out here trying to live my best life.”

​Sound familiar? It’s a phrase so many of us have heard lately, but what does it mean? I think living your best life is much more than going on extravagant vacations or having the money it takes to afford such a trip. While those things are great, life is more than just living for that next Instagram picture that’s going to get the most likes because, in the end, it’s nothing more than empty attention. So, what does it mean to live your best life? To me, it’s more about developing the best version of yourself that causes you to truly live up to your full potential.

In college, I found myself trudging through a long day of classes on the first day of a new semester. I was uninterested in my university, my classes, and my teachers. It seemed that none of the professors had ever actually worked in the industry, they just taught by the books and expected the students to follow suit. I was not about to learn from someone with no life experience, so I dozed off, gave minimal effort, staring out the windows with no real interest until one teacher came along and changed my life forever.

Initially, I thought this guy was crazy. He showed up to class 15 minutes late and after introducing himself, immediately spoke of our first assignment. What he asked of our class sent shockwaves over the room: he wanted us to write our own eulogies. It seemed like the most ridiculous morbid assignment I had ever been given. I was disgusted by the assignment but nonetheless decided to put my head down and complete the task. During the second class, our professor asked that a few students read their eulogies aloud. He let about three people share before he stopped and said, “You guys have it all wrong, and here lies the lesson. So often, when we describe ourselves we start naming off the accomplishments in our lives, but you see, those things provide no value. Tell me who you are and the type of person you want to be remembered as in this world. I don’t care if you’re at the top of your class, tell me the story that brought you to that point, explain to me your grit.” It was at that moment that my life changed forever. Throughout the semester, he not only taught me how to tell a good story, but he taught me that every person has a story and each story is worth hearing. It was in his class that I realized it was possible to change people’s lives through storytelling because he changed mine and I will forever be grateful for that message.

As time went on, our class learned that our professor was a former Hollywood screenwriter, so telling stories was a skill he had mastered at the highest level. His tagline to his students when they felt any sense of doubt was, “Go with God.” Interesting advice to be given by a college professor, right? I think what he meant was choose love. Choose faith, choose to slow down and realize what really matters in life- I promise it’s not the amount of “likes” you get on an Instagram post. Choose to take the time to listen to the stories of others, because you never know when someone will stop you dead in your tracks and change your life forever with their story.

Judgment holds us back from a world full of adventure. If I would have allowed my initial judgment of the professor that I once thought was so morbid get in my way, I would have missed one of the greatest lessons of my life. 

So, how does this story apply to the dating world? Well, for starters, I hope it teaches you to stop judging every book by its cover. We are all so quick to judge people, especially on dating apps. We’re out there swiping left and right mindlessly, maybe it’s time to take a second to read a few bios. Maybe it’s time to take a chance with someone new that normally would never catch your eye. Branch out and go on that date with the type of person that just “isn’t your type.” You never know who you could meet in the process of dating that will forever change your perspective or inspire you in some type of way. And when it comes to dating profiles, instead of listing all your wants and needs like a personal plea to the universe, try writing your story as the type of person you are at your core. Hell, at the very least, just remember who that person is when you’re dating. Hiding behind a resume or list of reasons why people should remember you is the last thing on earth that’s going to bring you the truly loving relationship of your dreams. In order to find that type of partner, you’re going to need to be authentic and open. You’ll have to take a chance and stop hiding your profile filled with things you think people want to hear. Be real.

If you don’t know who you are- and believe me, there’s no shame in that, but you’re going to have a hell of a time deciding what it is that you want. So, how do you start finding out who you are? Well, simply put, you stop saying no… No, I won’t date him. No, I won’t try that. No, I won’t take that chance, I know how it will end up anyway. That type of thinking won’t get you anywhere. Learn to jump, take a chance at love and most importantly let love in. You would be amazed at how much we block ourselves from out of fear. My advice to you is to allow yourself to become the person you were always meant to be, write your own story and don’t allow the negative experiences in your life to sit in your mind and hold you back from the life of your dreams. Use the negative past experiences as a way to help define the direction you want your life to go. It’s your story, so tell me…

​Who do you want to be?